desperation

senior year of college i had a HUGE banner across my bedroom wall that read: DESPERATION. the instant people would walk in they'd either cringe or chuckle a bit. "pssshhch..desperation.., " they'd say. but it meant more to me than what they perceived to be a pathetic plea. because it was far from that. i know that the word can bear a negative connotation, but it stood on the opposite side of that. i realized, that year, that i had to come to a point of desperation to want it so bad not to let it go. a place where i had no choice, can't look to the left, can't look to the right, just look up. yeah, i could be talking about academics, exercising, what have you. but i meant God, i meant my relationship with Him, His desires, His will. and it's coming back, but in the form of prayer. maybe that's what travial means.