Yes, I have to admit i am worn out. The things really get hectic at my work and although i say to myself, " its okay. It should be because i have to get things done before i leave for our J-mission", my fatigue engulfs me and my energy level is really low these days. The physical tiredness leads me to be weak in many ways. I know satan loves using my fatigue to discourage me because i don't think he likes what we are/will be doing.

he also know my weakness is "my visa status" It has been always always the issue since i started going on missions. About a year ago, i talked to my lovely sister in Christ ( she is at another church)

JK: Hiro, what is your prayer request? i want to pray for you. so, your prayer request is about future boy friend/husband? career?
Me: My prayer request is my visa status.
JK: Excuse me? What did you say? Visa? so, you mean a Green card?
Me: Yes, i want to get a green card soon so i can go on missions!
JK: Oh, okay, i see your point. Oh, i have never heard these kind of prayer request. haha.. Okay, Hiro. I will pray for you.

I know not a lot of people know about visa issue. okay, when i was in Japan, I had never ever thought of it because i am citizen there. sometimes, it is difficult for me to explain to people about it not because of my language skill but because of something else. Last year, i ended up not going on missions mostly because of my visa status. One guy ( from another church and we barely know each other) kept asking me why i would not go. I kept explaining to him. and finally, he said, " Hiro, i am very disappointed in your decision. i thought you were mission-minded and cared about Japan, your country. i wish you could go on missions to be a great TRANSLATOR"

Since then, i just stopped explaining to people about my visa. I am really afraid if i sound making excuses not to go or something like that. I got hurt. I really got hurt. and i have no expectation that people would understand why i could not go on j-mission last year. I don't care if people think i am not faithful based on that i didn't go on mission last year, please do so. i am really tired of taking care of this issue.

I am thankful to the Lord that He has given me a H-1B visa. I know it is from Him. Not because what i have done. He is so faithful and almighty. Yes, two sisters already left for their countries because they did not get H-1B. I know how painful it would be.
God is so good because i have learned so many things from my visa experiences. If i had gone on missions last year, i would not have learned so many things i learned. I learned a lot.
But sometimes, especially, when i am physically worn out, satan always tries to use this issue. He does not use.. let's say.. boy friend/spouse issue because he knows i don't care much about it. In other words, I sometimes envy people who have a green card but never ever envied a friend who has a great boy friend/husband. I am just happy for them but never thought, " i wish i had a boyfriend/husband/kids...." maybe because i am not sure if i want to get married or not. I am just not sure if it ( that i will get married) is God's will or not.

God purposely gives us a challenge. I know my visa status is my trial to grow. He wants me to grow so he still gives me this issue.
Okay, i will pray for my financial status because i need $5000 to apply for my green card. Now, i can apply with my H-1B. I am ready to do that except money.
I know God will give me a green card in His timing, not mine. yes, i am frustrated but i have decided to surrender all to Him. He has everything in His hand.
To tell the truth, when i saw a demonstration about immigration law this afternoon, i saw my bitterness in my mind. They are illegal and have not paid tax. However, they automatically can get a green card. I am legal and have paid tax. I have to hire lawyer to apply for that. I still think it is very unfair but i will try to pray for the illegal one. It is still difficult but i will.

Thank you for being there with me, the Garden J-team!